At 19 hours ago, Protagonist wrote:

": At 19 minutes ago, Kanon wrote:
: I'm being held by force at my girlfriends house, who refuses to let me run around outside, butt naked while it's thundering out, I am stuck in the basement, the door is locked, and the only window is boarded up. How do I escape?"

Simple! First, find the tools. It's a basement, so there's a 100% chance of a red toolbox in the corner behind some boxes soaked in questionable basement liquids. You move the boxes and find a redtoolbox. Drats, you forgot females don't have tools! The tool box only has a nail filer inside.

You attempt to use it on the doorknob. After an hour of painstaking work, all you manage to do is turn the knob into a square, which then falls off. You now have a metal square!

You go back to the boarded window and attempt to use the nail filer. That isn't working, you grab the red tool box and smash the boards blocking the window. There are boards on the otherside, but there are also metal bars before said boards. You begin working on one with the filer. It takes about 10 minutes for you to remove the weakest bar. There is now a big enough gap for you to fit, but there are still boards on the other side.

You throw the tool box through and smash them and begin to climb, but suddenly your legs and pulled and blackness swirls around the screen as you enter an RPG esquire battle.

Your girlfriend appears on the other side of the screen, wielding a frying pan. Shes level 99, and you're just level 20. The battle begins and she goes first, hitting you in the cock for 20 damage!

You use bitch smack for only a mere 5 damage.

She goes again, hitting your cock once more for 20 damage, and causes the swollen status effect. You use your erect and swollen penis as a baseball bat, and hit her across the face with it for 30 damage, but this completely drains your special bar.

She heals by going to the kitchen, and making herself a sandwich, and then hits you again for 30 damage! You are down to 10 health, you look in your inventory and all you have is the cube. You throw it at her head, CRITICAL HIT! 9999 damage. She falls to the ground and begins bleeding. With her out you now escape into the overworld.